Local Residents Awakened by Noisy Bachelor

There is a bachelor in my Inverness Park neighborhood that is openly and aggressively seeking a wife. Lat’s scientific name is Laterallus jamaicensis. He does not spend his nights at the Western Saloon actively wooing ladies. Instead, he waits patiently along the marshy edges of Tomales Bay calling out to the woman of his dreams. He should take inspiration from Cyrano de Bergerac, as his romantic prose needs work.

In actuality, his few words “kee kee doo . . . kee kee doo” portray a great deal of information.

Want Ad: Cautious bachelor with few hobbies seeks ideal long-term mate

Bachelor seeks unattached female who is willing to relocate to the southern end of Tomales Bay. Come live with me on the desirable Giacomini wetlands, in the exclusive Waldo’s Dike subdivision. Once those clipboard toting rangers take full ownership, my property will be worth its’ weight in seaweed. Those peculiar mooing creatures will no longer slobber and plop on my home.

I am forced to be elusive and secretive since many predators consider me delicious fare. I do not go to West Marin Fitness; instead, I get my exercise scurrying through the salt marsh plants. River otters teasingly call me a pickleweed potato. How else can I escape those long gullets of the blue herons and white egrets? I am looking for a brave mate to scurry through the protective cover with me.

Seeking a charcoal and chestnut plumage beauty with adorable white freckles.

My favorite foods are insects, small mollusks and seeds of aquatic vegetation – carnivores need not apply.

Our population is declining, so you must be ready for a romantic rendezvous immediately. I have the perfect spot to build our cup-shaped nest and share nesting duties in raising our little prodigies together. I am monogamous, so cheaters should head south to that other lagoon near Bolinas.

One important note: I have post-traumatic stress disorder. During the rising waters of winter high tides, there are many dangers that terrify me. I have been carried off by a peregrine falcon, who luckily flew by a group of competitive humans wanting to see one of America’s most elusive birds (me). My startled predator dropped me in deep water and I almost drowned. Because I have PTSD, I am prone to anxiety attacks during any high tide. My perfect mate should understand this psychological disorder.

Giacomini restoration aids rail breeding

When Lat first started “kee kee doo-ing”, he sounded insistent, strong and hopeful. He needed to propagate his species and his testosterone said NOW. He was calling every six seconds from dusk until dawn. However, the very last time I heard Lat was one week ago. He began his wooing quite early in the afternoon at 3:00 pm. After that. Silence.

California black rails are a threatened species and few have seen or heard this mysterious mouse-like bird. West Marin resident and biologist Jules Evens says “the restoration (of the Giacomini Wetlands) will increase habitat for black rail as well as a suite of other species that NEED tidal and brackish marsh habitat as well as riparian….”

Did Lat find a mate? Are they nesting? We may never know, but I sure hope so.